Dear Yahoo!, hire me as your next CEO

News is going around that Yahoo! is looking for a new CEO. I have no idea if this is true or not, but if it is, I would like to announce that I’m ready, willing, and insane enough to go long and go big with Yahoo! as your new CEO. Yahoo! showed glimmers of hope when it bought Flickr and Delicious. It’s been a bastion of some of the most impressive technology of the last 15 years. I believe it can be great again.

Sounds great, how the hell am I going to do it? I’m going to take the $20bn in market cap and build an empire of product and design talent that will be beyond reproach. Then I will give them the support and freedom to do what they do best: innovate.

  1. I’d buy Instagram and put them in charge of both Instagram and Flickr. They would have 100% autonomy over the entire “Yahoo! Photo” division.
  2. I’d buy Soft Facade and run them as an internal design and branding agency for all of our products.
  3. I’d figure out a way to wrestle The Barbarian Group into the fold and put them in charge of all PR and marketing initiatives.
  4. I would buy Twitter and Square in order to bring Jack Dorsey on full-time to run a new division called “Yahoo! Mobile”. He would have 100% autonomy over the entire mobile strategy.
  5. I’d buy Path and With for the sole reason of bringing Dave and his team on to lead the new “Yahoo! Social” division.
  6. I’d buy the NYT (for a mere $1.5bn!) and recruit John Gruber to be Editor in Chief of the “Yahoo! News” division.

Just think of what we could accomplish if we just let amazing people do what they do best.

Your city sucks! (And so does mine)

It seems the the latest craze amongst entrepreneurs and, in particular, tech “hubs” is to pull out the ruler and compare penises. As someone who’s slept with three of those technology hubs I’m going to tell you that each penis has its own merits and it’s own disadvantages. Allow me to explain.

For the record I’ve lived in three legitimate technology hubs: Seattle, San Francisco, and Boulder. Additionally, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in Portland. Each one of them had its benefits and detractions. Ultimately, I’m settling down in San Francisco (after moving to it, away from it, and subsequently back 3 times now). Why? It’s simple, despite all of the bullshit that is involved in this incestuous, crowded, echo chamber of a dirty ass city, it is Mecca for nerds. Period. All of the pieces of the proverbial startup pie are here: money, history, talent, schools, partners, clients, press, etc. I don’t have to wait for any part of that ecosystem to grow or blossom. It’s already here and I’m far to lazy too grow or foster any part of those for an entire city.

And guess what? The real Mecca hasn’t moved and neither will the technology Mecca. That does not mean that you have to go to San Francisco to be a real geek or to have a real startup. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Please read that again, they are lying to you. Just ask Michael Dell, Jeff Bezos, and Bill Gates. I hear Dennis Crowley is pretty happy in New York City and Steven Frank is happy in Portland, as well.

So what do I think of each of these hubs?

Seattle

I lived in Seattle for 3.5 years and dated a girl in Portland for some of that so I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in both cities. I love the Pacific Northwest. The Pacific Northwest is, hands down, the best kept secret in North America. Seattle has a pretty rad technology scene with Microsoft, Amazon, Expedia, Boeing, and Lockheed all calling the area home in one way or another. I’d say, outside of San Francisco, it has the most mature startup/technology scene. New York City might have a legitimate claim to #2 here, but I honestly think Seattle gets left off the map too often in these discussions. It is, as the kids say, legit.

Seattle is seriously where my soul resides. It’s just a fantastic city. If you’re considering Seattle, you should definitely check out Portland as well. Particularly if you like your cities a bit smaller, more bike friendly, and laid back.

Pros

  • I cannot stress how cool it is to have a 14,000 foot mountain be an integral part of your skyline.
  • Mild climate where it snows rarely.
  • Close to some of the best skiing in the world. Crystal Mountain, Stephen’s Pass, and Snoqualmi are all within an hour. Whistler is about 5 hours away and Baker is 3 hours away.
  • Near a big body of water.
  • Lots of established technology companies.
  • You will likely never want for things to do outdoors.
  • You will never want for a tasty beer. Nor a tasty wine. I’d say Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco are all equally, per capita, wine crazy with the local vineyards and wineries to back it up.
  • Centrally located between two other fantastic cities: Vancouver, BC and Portland, OR.
  • University of Washington is right in the city and has a good CS department from which to poach.
  • Cost of living is relatively low. A quick look at Craigslist shows 2 bedroom apartments in the city averaging $1700 a month, which is about 30-40% cheaper than San Francisco.
  • This city basically invented the grunge/alternative rock scene. You will never want for awesome shows to watch.

Cons

  • I’m not going to lie; it’s gray, in the 40’s and 50’s, and drizzling 4-6 months a year. When I lived there we broke the record by having 38 days straight of rain. The irony here is that Chicago, Boston, and Atlanta all get more precipitation per year.
  • I’m not going to lie; 6 months out of the year it’s sunny and 70. If you like mild weather with no snow and can put up with gloom in the winter, you’ll be just fine here.
  • The food scene is pretty poor. If you’re used to San Francisco, Portland, or New York City you’re going to be pretty bummed out here.
  • The technology scene is largely driven by Microsoft. I hope you’ve sharpened your .NET skills.
  • Public transportation has been pretty crappy for years. It’s getting better, but don’t expect it to be on par with San Francisco, Portland, or New York City anytime soon.

Portland

Portland is about 2/3 the size of Seattle and doesn’t have any, that I know of, anchors in the technology scene. My other concerns about Portland, in particular, is that I don’t know what the investing side looks like and that there is no remotely top CS schools nearby from which to poach young talent. Seattle, on the other hand, has University of Washington right downtown and has a pretty well regarded CS program (compliments of Microsoft).

All this being said, Portland is a fucking fantastic city with a lot of great benefits. I think if you’re considering Seattle you have to consider Portland.

Pros

  • This is a lovely 580,000’ish person city which is exceptionally bike friendly. You can bike across the main city center in 15 minutes top, which is pretty great.
  • The food scene here is, per capita, top notch.
  • BEER! BEER! BEER! Oh man, with McMenamins, Deschutes, Full Sail, etc. all calling this place home you’ll basically never run out of new brews to taste.
  • Not only is it less than an hour from the Goonies rock and the Pacific Ocean, but a couple of giant rivers flow through it.
  • Portland didn’t want to be left out of having a mountain be in its skyline either. Mt. Hood is much closer to the city than Mt. Rainer so, despite it being about 3,000 feet shorter, is much more imposing on the skyline.
  • All of the things I said about the great outdoors in Seattle applies here.
  • Same goes for skiing. If you like boarding and skiing, you’ll find plenty of friends in Portland.
  • Great public transportation.
  • Rent on a two bedroom apartment will come with about a 20-30% discount over Seattle as well.
  • Also has a great music scene.

Cons

  • Everything I just said about Seattle’s weather can be equally applied here.
  • Portland has a higher chance of snow in the winter. It’s not surrounded on two sides by mountains and doesn’t have the same water barrier that Seattle has. As a result, Seattle gets snow once every 3-4 years and Portland gets a mild flurry or two every year or two.
  • No decent CS departments to poach talent from.
  • No real anchor technology companies feeding the ecosystem and I don’t believe there are any big players in the investment scene there.

Boulder

I moved to Boulder to start SimpleGeo. Mainly because I could move and Matt couldn’t. There’s really no better way to describe Boulder than as a laid back college town nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. This is not a real city by any means, but does have some of the big city amenities thanks to all the rich white people that live there.

Pros

  • The technology community there is growing like a weed. While I can’t really point to a single anchor company, there is a pretty impressive investment ecosystem with Foundry Group and TechStars there.
  • If you like hiking, biking, climbing, kayaking, etc., then you’re gonna love Boulder. The great outdoors isn’t just close by to Boulder, it’s literally at your footstep. I very much loved opening my back patio door to hear the Boulder Creek rushing by in the spring.
  • Speaking of biking, I can’t imagine any other city of 90,000 people in the US being more bike friendly than Boulder. My leisurely bike rides from my apartment along the Boulder Creek bike path were just stunning.
  • Despite being such a small town there’s some pretty spectacular food.
  • If you do NOT like skiing or snowboarding you probably shouldn’t even consider Boulder. Seriously. Vail, Breckenridge, and Beaver Creek are all within 3 hours.
  • University of Colorado is a legitimate CS school. Tons of eager talent lurking around. The drawback is many of them, such as Dave Morin, get lured to other technology hubs.

Cons

  • Due to zoning weirdness, rent and real estate in Boulder is actually pretty expensive for a city its size. I’d make a wager that it’s as expensive as Seattle, if not more so. Particularly when it comes to purchasing. Rent is about on par with Portland and Seattle.
  • I really yearned for hardcore technology while I was in Boulder. A lot of the technology scene was very much focused on creating consumer applications. I’m a big infrastructure, big data, big scale kind of guy and often felt out of place in that scene.
  • It’s fucking cold. Don’t believe one ounce of that bullshit Brad Feld or Andrew Hyde tell you about mild winters and 300 days of sunshine a year. The sun doesn’t help one bit when it’s -10 and there’s two feet of snow on the ground.
  • It’s tiny. 90,000 people does not make a real city.
  • It’s predominantly filled with rich white people. The kinds of people who have $1m condos in Boulder as their second or third homes. If you like your home to be a melting pot, Boulder is not for you.
  • Music scene is kind of bunk. Good shows swing through Denver on occasion, but Denver isn’t exactly easy to get to from Boulder.

San Francisco

All told I’ve spent almost four years living in San Francisco. I’ve moved here three times (2000, 2007, & 2010) and have finally given up on attempting further departures. What I find so amazing about San Francisco is that I simultaneously love it to death and want to strangle it at the same time.

Besides all of this technology talk, the reason I love San Francisco so much comes down to two things: the weather and how outright fucking weird this place is.

Pros

  • The weather is dramatically better than Boulder, Seattle, or Portland. No hints of snow and, outside the actual city, it’s basically 60-70 and sunny year round. During the winter months, and near the water, San Francisco has a tendency to be on the cool side and rainy at times. All-in-all, though, the weather is pretty great. Of course, it’s a hell of a lot better in LA as Chris Lea constantly reminds me.
  • Basically every single major venture capitalist in technology in the US is either headquartered here or has major operations out here. The place is literally awash in capital. The flip side of this is that almost any idiot can get his stupid idea funded.
  • Two of the most prestigious universities in the world, UC Berkeley and Stanford, are within 30 minute drives of the city.
  • San Francisco, and the valley, are home to basically ever major consumer internet company in the world. The area has been completely overrun by nerds for the most part.
  • The art scene in San Francisco is amazing. It runs the gamut of photography, installation art, the Burning Man scene, Maker scene, etc.
  • Possibly the second or third most famous wine country, outside of France and Italy, in the world.
  • There are sandy beaches on the Pacific Ocean within the city limits and easily within biking distance.
  • The food scene here is fantastic. Outside of LA and San Diego, I’ve never found a city with burritos like this.
  • Pretty fantastic music scene.
  • It’s a major hub for many international carriers. If you want to get to Asia quickly and cheaply, it’s a great option. So is, of course, LAX.
  • Pretty fantastic, yet dysfunctional, public transportation.
  • San Francisco is filled with some of the most wonderfully weird, eccentric, accepting, creative, intelligent people I’ve ever met in the world. There is no other city I’ve visited that has such a high per capita of weird. I love this.
  • I’m not sure if you’ll find a better place to get a tattoo. So many fantastic artists to choose from. I mean, fucking Ed Hardy helms the scene here and many of his proteges are following in his footsteps.
  • Have you driven down Highway 1? Have you seen the Redwoods? Stunning.
  • You can surf inside the city limits.

Cons

  • This is, hands down, the dirtiest fucking city I’ve lived in. Nobody else is even close. You can walk down the sidewalks of the nicest neighborhoods in the city, the ones with million dollar mansions, and there will be human feces on the sidewalk. The flip side to this is that they’re creative poops, such as the one my girlfriend recently spotted inside of a banana peel.
  • It’s an excruciatingly expensive city. Decent studios start at $1500 a month. Two bedroom apartments, which you’ll share with a roommate, will likely start in the $2800 to $3000 a month range.
  • San Francisco, being the epicenter of technology, is just as equally filled with snake oil salesmen and wannabes. In fact, there’s a term for the wannabes: wantrepreneurs.
  • This is an echo chamber. There is no counter balance to what you’re working on really. Everyone thinks everything is fucking amazing or a pile of shit because Arrington or Kevin Rose said so. This leads to a lot of self-masturbation.
  • Seattle, Boulder, and Portland make San Francisco’s beer scene look paltry at best.
  • I honestly can’t describe how terrible the traffic is here. 280, 80, 101, 880, 580, HWY 1, and 680 are all four lane highways and all are completely gridlocked during rush hour. It’s fucking terrible.
  • You literally can’t escape technology. There are fucking Farmville signs along the major highways. I find it extremely difficult to get way from the tech scene without physically leaving the city.
  • Despite what some people might tell you, this is not a very bike friendly city. The cabs and MUNI drivers have been in a decades long competition to see who can kill and/or maim the most bikers.
  • It’s an absolute nightmare to get to anything that resembles the mountains you find in Boulder, Seattle, or Portland. During peak season it’s not unheard of to spend 5 hours in the car getting to Tahoe.
  • The city government is terrible on so many levels.

Conclusion

I very much enjoyed my time in the Pacific Northwest and would recommend checking out both Portland and Seattle. I’m slightly biased towards Seattle because I prefer bigger, denser cities. I didn’t like Boulder at all due to the cold climate and small size of the city.

As a result, I’m sticking with San Francisco, despite poop filled bananas, because it’s a big, dense city filled with a bunch of weirdos who love building great technology.

Creating the perfect bathroom

I do a fair amount of traveling and have been subjected to at least three, arguably four, cultural buckets (European, North American, Asian, and South American). One thing that I always find humor in is the drastic variations on bathrooms from one culture to the next. My experiences have led me to think about what would make the perfect bathroom, by taking bits and pieces from around the world to create a single bathroom.

  • Toilets in Europe and the UK have two flush mechanisms. One is a small button with a single dot on it and the second, larger button, has two dots on it. I find this to be an extremely simple and elegant solution to conserving water.
  • Speaking of toilets, have you ever crapped on a Japanese toilet?! Holy. Shit. Besides my Googler friends, who have been happily crapping on space age Japanese toilets for years, we’ve all been missing out. Seat warmers, bidets, music, automatic lids, and freaking medical sensors! I mean, why don’t they just add laser beams?
  • Public restrooms in Europe, the UK, and Japan have fully enclosed small rooms for their toilets. There’s absolutely no cracks or open air around you. Total privacy while taking a crap in public. Pure genius.
  • Showers in every place I’ve been to in Europe and many in the UK have two knobs, as you’d expect, but they do totally different things. One knob is temperature (many have the actual temperature numbers on them) and the other is pressure. Never fumble around adjusting hot and cold until you get it just right!
  • In Thailand their plumbing systems weren’t made for flushing toilet paper and such so they have a small spray hose (think of the sprayer by your sink attached to a wall by the toilet). Toilet paper is merely used to dry off your clean bottom. I got used to this method pretty quickly and much prefer it over toilet paper.

If I ever do build my own home or renovate another bathroom I’ll be including all of these in my bathroom as I think they really do make the perfect bathroom all together.

25 Things

  1. I love all green vegetables except peas. 
  2. I own a very large male cat. His name is Crash and, no, you can’t have him.
  3. I’ve participated in a (recreational) sailboat race. 
  4. I’ve been to Thailand twice.
  5. I have one full sleeve tattoo and one 2/3 sleeve tattoo. One is all machine (gun) and the other was all done with bamboo (hand pump).
  6. I’ve lived in California, Washington, Montana, Wyoming and Michigan.
  7. I used to dream of being a fighter pilot. Instead, I code websites and my cousin Gino is a Top Gun pilot in the Navy.
  8. I was in a fraternity in college. Not only was I IFC President, but I was also my chapter President, Chapter President of the Year, Greek Man of the Year, and a Harvey C. Dent Man of the Year finalist for Sigma Tau Gamma. This amuses my West Coast friends to no end.
  9. My mom, a hairdresser, cut my hair until I left for college with the single exception of a flat top I got in elementary school.
  10. I’ve had two major surgeries as a result of sport-related injuries: ACL reconstruction on my right knee and back surgery to alleviate a herniated disc.
  11. My first pet was a dog named Daisy. 
  12. I’ve been snowboarding for about 12 or 13 years now. My first board was a unidirectional K2 board. 
  13. My degree is actually a Bachelor’s in Business Administration. This drastically reduces my geek credentials in the eyes of some of my peers.
  14. I do not own a TV and have not for many years now. I don’t have cable either. Nor any sort of gaming platform (unless my MacBook Pro or iPhone counts).
  15. I’ve participated in three triathlons (two sprints and one Olympic).
  16. I’ve never written a large production application in anything other than PHP to date. This will change in the next few months when my first Python+Django project launches.
  17. I’ve spoken at many conferences you’ve never heard of, including one in front of over 1,000 people. Doing so does not bother me.
  18. I have a fetish for bikes.
  19. I still chat with my high school sweetheart, one of my college girlfriends and my ex-wife regularly. I consider them some of my closest confidants and friends.
  20. I have a little brother that looks so much like me that my fraternity brothers called him “Mini Me” and he’d get stopped on campus by people asking, “Are you Joe Stump’s little brother?”
  21. I have good friends I’ve never met in person. This doesn’t mean they’re not good friends though. 
  22. I brush my teeth in the shower.
  23. I wish I had the time and/or skills to learn to play the guitar. 
  24. Despite taking years of Spanish classes and conversational Spanish courses I’m horrible at speaking it, but can follow conversations and am decent and deciphering written text.
  25. I greatly dislike the color red.

Quote of the day

I was reading TrueHoop today regarding the Don Imus situation and read something that, with a little modification, makes a great quote.

Did you ever think we’d have a world without people acting like idiots? Ask any grade school teacher. There are always one or two.

The great thing about free speech is that it encourages those people to identify themselves …

My revised version of the above is as follows.

The great thing about free speech is that it encourages idiots to identify themselves.

Greg Down South

A friend of a friend is doing what most of us only dream of doing. After working his ass off for a few years he’s quit his job and backpacking through S. America on his way to a research vessel bound for Antarctica.

He’s got a blog and documenting the whole thing photographically on Flickr.

To say I’m jealous would be an understatement.

How to poop at work

My friends all know I’m a huge fan of flatulence. Thanks to Garren for this.

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the Work Poop is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

Crop Dusting

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

Fly By

This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a Frequent Flyer. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Escapee

This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

Jail Break

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

Courtesy Flush

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught Doing the Walk of Shame.

Walk of Shame

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the Courtesy Flush.

Out of the Closet Pooper

This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it! You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

PFN

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify Safe Havens.

Safe Havens

A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

Turd Burglar

This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work if this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

Camo-Cough

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a Watermelon, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is very effective when used in conjunction with an Astaire.

Astaire

An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will end all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

Watermelon

A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See Camo-Cough.

Havana Omelet

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

Uncle Todd

An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

A few bits of wisdom

  • Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  • Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
  • Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
  • The second mouse gets the cheese.
  • When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  • Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
  • You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
  • Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
  • We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
  • A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Via Dave.

Holiday Greetings

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but it is so
difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending
someone. So I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his advice I wish to
say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive,
gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with
the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices
of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular
traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar
year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not
to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is
the only “America” in the western hemisphere) and without regard to the
race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual
preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

  1. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
  2. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
  3. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
  4. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a
    new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a
significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

Christmas

A few family members have been asking what I want for Christmas. The answer is nothing. I’ve got more toys than I know what to do with as it stands. I’ve got more clothes than most women and I just bought two new pairs of shoes. But, for those who insist on purchasing me something for Christmas here is a short list of my “needs”.

Whatever you do don’t purchase me clothes or toys. I don’t need either. Also, don’t use my Amazon wishlist as reference it’s fairly outdated, though I won’t complain too much if I get a few DVD’s this year.

Before you think “Hey, I should get Joe something for Christmas” look at the last bullet point on this list and ask yourself if I really need what you were thinking about getting me.