For those of you who haven’t realized the zend that is Maddox , let me clue you in. He recently tore apart 26 Things That A Perfect Guy Would Do.

This is a perfect followup to the other post today. I’m guilty of doing some of these things, but not *all* the time. I think that’s where girls and guys part ways in the world of reality. Guys do it so girls will like them not realizing that girls want them to act like that all the time and vice versus.

Lauren and I get huffy from time to time over this exact thing. I fart, she hates it. She “cuddles” (read keeps me awake) with me at night, I hate it. She expects massages and I expect her to make decisions from time to time, neither of which happen. What keeps us together is that we at least *attempt* to work with each other on these issues. I love Lauren to death, but God almighty I wish she could decide on a place to eat once in awhile.

Whoever invented this shithole of a fast food resturant should be shot. Me and my colon have a huge beef with him. All of my friends, Paul, Noel, Stat, Schenkel, etc. love this place for late night trips after the bar.

Saturday, after Marquette got spanked and Syracuse’s freshman phenom showed the world what was up, I caved and went to “the Castle” with Lauren and my friend Josh. I got a “sack” of 10 with no pickles. When I got home I choked down (literally) eight of them. The last two I gagged on and was only able to swallow with a healthy swig of Rock n’ Rye.

Needless to say, this came back to haunt me the next day. Some of the rankest foulest odors on the planet came from my lower bowels all morning. Thank goodness I was by myself at work. This all culiminated in quite possibly a 10 on the Rate My Poo scale. I hope Mr. Castle is happy now, because soon he’s gonna die at the hand of my angry colon. I’m off to go get a colonoscopy now …

Sometimes I confuse myself. I’m constantly fighting with myself over issues that I face. The son of a hard working middle class Midwesterner is constantly at odds with the well read, socially active, soon-to-be college graduate.

In other words I swing widely from left to right. I believe in abortion, but I think there should be limitations placed on it. I believe we should have a large military, but I don’t think it should be used proactively. I believe in welfare, but I don’t think people should get a free ride.

I guess some would say I’m smack in the middle of most political issues, which is why I label myself a realist. Which is why I’m sad when people label themselves “left” or “right.” The reality is that the world will never free of pollution (although we can take measures to drastically reduce it) and that the world isn’t about to, collectively, find Jesus (although many of the principles taught in the Bible about living peacefully are great words of wisdom).

Many of you may not know that I hold two odd sports in high regards: Disc Golf, and Badminton. Yeah, I used to play basketball, but the reality is that I’m too damn lazy to run up and down a 100ft. court anymore.

I finally got out to play some DG this year. I’ve only been able to get in two rounds at Rolling Hills, but they’ve been good rounds. For some reason I’ve been driving decently and my putting has been on, which, for those of you who have played with me, is odd.

In other personal news I’ve just been working on finishing up school. I recently swore in the new President of IFC so I’m finally done with that (yay! no more committee meetings!). We’ll be launching the new version of our website at work on April 16th. Finally, I’m VERY MUCH looking forward to graduatting and having the rest of my life free of homework.

As school draws to a near I’m being pounded into the ground with homework, tests, and papers. For some reason I feel that I’m doing the same amount of work for the 6 credits I’m taking now as I did when I used to take 18 credits.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m working, babysitting a few hundred fraternity “men”, etc. I’ve totally made up my mind that I’m going to take two weeks off right after I graduate to relax. I’ve been very much inspired by Cam’s recent self imposed exile. I’m setting my sites on California, most likely, to spend a few weeks with Jeremy. Hopefully the original mage can help me rekindle my lost desire to program.

This leads me to a more pesonal note: I’m pretty clueless what I want to do with my life. Most people would find this statement a little shocking. The reality is that I don’t want to work in corporate America, I don’t want to program for the rest of my life, and I sure as hell don’t want to work in retail. I want to own my own business, I want to be self sufficient, and I want to wear whatever the hell I please to work. Is this too much to ask for?

It’s official: Lauren has put up with me for one year as of Saturday the 22nd of March.

This is such a milestone I, generally speaking, suck. But, somehow, I managed to grab a cute redhead who likes dark beer, knows more about sports than most of my friends, and actually likes hanging out with me. Go figure. At any rate, I hope to be with Lo for many more years to come.

Lauren’s father passed away at 2:40pm on Tuesday. He’s survived by his wife, two daughters, his parents, a brother, and his cat. He’ll be greatly missed by all.

As a result I’ll be offline, for the most part, for the remainder of the week. If you’re the religious type a small prayer would mean a lot to Lauren and her family.

I haven’t been posting to the site for a number of reasons. My life is pretty hectic right now. I’m finishing up my degree, I’m pushing through the various policies I’ve been working on over the last year as IFC President, and supporting Lauren as she faces her father’s passing.

Yesterday we were called to the hospital around 5:30am and stayed pretty much the whole day. Needless to say it was physically and emotionally draining for the both of us. I’d like to thank those of you who have kept Lauren and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

I went to my fraternity’s yearly fundraiser dinner last night. My intentions: eat some food and hang out with the guys. I look forward to this event for another reason as well, chatting with the guys’ parents. I was talking with one of my brother’s dad, who is about as cool as they come, when he dropped a pretty good nugget of wisdom in my lap.

A man who does not read good books is no better off than a man who can not read. –Mark Twain

Having recently started reading again, or rather reading things other than techie stuff, I found the quote rather profound. Think about it for a second and let it sit a while.

In the end we had a good time chatting about recent books, my recent learning experience starting a business, and my girlfriend.

I’m a big guy. 6’5” and about 240 to be exact. I often joke with Lo and tell her I’m a “petite little flower.” I sit right on the edge of either shopping at the “normal” stores or being banished to shopping at the big n’ tall stores. However I didn’t know that the average male waist size was a skimpy 28/30 inches. Who is A & F and Hollister kidding? My roommate is only 6’0” and built and HE wears a 36. Neither of the companies aforementioned MAKE a 38 – I couldn’t even order the damn things. I had to slum it at A & E for shorts and fell back on the ever faithful Express for Men for a few pairs of jeans. It’s like these companies are willing us to lose weight. I’m here to tell you that if I lost weight I’d look like a friggin bean pole

In other news Best Buy is officially on my shitlist. It’s a big joke in my fraternity that when I get in your shit I’m all up in it, screaming at meeting and all that. Well BB is going to get some serious Joe action tomorrow and it ain’t gonna be pretty. Why, you may ask. Because I took in my truck to get a stereo installed. They said they’d call when it was done. I call at 7:00pm to check on the status (I dropped it off at 1:00pm) to find out the store is closed! WHAT THE FUCK?!? No phone call, no voicemail, AND they still have my truck! Oh boy, they’re toast.