Instructions for visiting Detroit

  1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It’s Deh-troit NOT
    DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from
    Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down.
  2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own
    version of traffic rules… Hold on and pray!
  3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour
    is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning
    Weekends are open game.
  4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
    out and possibly shot. If you’re first off the starting line when the light
    turns green, count to five before going across the intersection. This will
    avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to
    keep from getting shot.
  5. Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit
    metro area. That goes for Gratiot too.
  6. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The Lodge
    and The Southfield Freeways are a way of life and forever. Just deal with
    it.
  7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
    defect or they are “out-of-towners” .

  8. All old men (or women) with white hair wearing a hat have total
    right-of-way.
  9. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of the
    posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don’t
    even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!
  10. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT
    ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car to take pictures.
  11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says
    “Keep honking, I’m reloading”, he/she is.
  12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people
    are not waving because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would suggest you
    duck.
  13. I-275 and I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
  14. It’s not M-10, it’s “The Lodge”.
  15. That’s not a lake, it’s a pothole.
  16. If someone tells you it’s on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a
    map.
  17. The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of
    a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make another
    left, then make a right when you get back to the intersection where you
    wanted to turn left in the first place. NOW you have gone left.
  18. And those 2 really ugly arches over Telegraph???? DON’T EVEN ASK!! WE
    DON’T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!
  19. WELCOME, ENJOY YOUR STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS.

3 thoughts on “Instructions for visiting Detroit

  1. It’s funny because it’s true. One more thing for “out-of-towners”:

    If you are doing anything less than 85 in the left lane of I-94, I-96, I-275, or I-696 you *WILL* be passed on the right, this may also apply if you *ARE* going 85 or over as well.

  2. That toledo shot was a low blow! I feel like you took a direct shot at me 🙂 I do not pronounce detroit that way. You know it, I know it, the american people know it.

    -You know

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