Get off your fat ass already

Whatever you do, do not click this link. I use the linked photo, which you should not click on, as evidence of my rant today. I found a link today about an obese woman who filed a complaint about her doctor after he told her bluntly that her health problems were directly related to her weight. God forbid my doctor tell me I’m a fat ass. I’ll have to possibly beat him up or something along those lines.

Ask any doctor in the US what problem is approaching epidemic rates and most will tell you either childhood obesity or obesity as a whole. And, I’m sorry to tell you this, but if you are 50 or 100 pounds (that’s 22.67kg or 45.35kg for you Europeans who can’t use a calculator) overweight then you need to put the fucking foot long coney dog down. And when someone calls you fat don’t go and pick up another foot long coney dog.

I’ve battled a bulge for a few years now. I blame it on a combination of going from an active high school basketball player to a lazy college student with horrible eating habits (never mind my affection of dark beers). Last year I lost about 30 pounds which dropped me from 265 pounds to a fluctuating period between 235 and 240. For my height, 6’5” (195.58cm), I was still 40 pounds overweight. In July I started dieting and exercising again and am now down to a much more trim 220 pounds. I’m still about 20 pounds from where I need to be and I plan another round of dieting and exercise now that I’ve figured out a diet and exercise habit that works for me and keeps me at a level weight.

So, if you’re overweight and need a place to start I’ll give you my “secrets” to losing weight. Remember, I just lost 24 pounds in three weeks. Pay attention class, you don’t have to be fat anymore. Unless you’ve got some pituitary problem.

  1. Quit eating like an idiot. You know those cheese fries have 1,500 calories in them. Depending on your sex and body size you shouldn’t be eating over 2,500 calories a day.
  2. Quit eating refined sugar, refined flour (white bread, doughnuts, etc.) and “trans fats”. These things are processed shit. You might as well suck fat straight from Carnie Wilson’s ass.
  3. Evidently there are these things called fruits and vegetables. I know, I was shocked when I found out about these as well. Eat some every day.
  4. Get a gym membership and go every other day and do something. You’d be amazed how quickly your body remembers what it’s like to be active. I went from huffing and puffing my way through half a mile at 5.5 to handling 1.5 miles at 6.5 with relative ease.
  5. Switch to diet pop or juice. Better yet, drink lots of water.
  6. Low carb worked for me. If you’re a guy with relatively decent amounts of muscle this diet will work wonders for you. I do not recommend living life this way. I cycle this diet in whenever I feel like losing weight. When you’ve hit your target start introducing whole grain / whole wheat breads and cereals back into your diet.
  7. Allow yourself one cheat meal a week.
  8. Pick a goal and a prize to reward yourself when you reach that goal. If you can, find someone to diet with you and “compete” for a prize. Lauren told me if I hit 220 pounds I could by myself a PSP. It honestly helped during that last rep or that last half mile.

The point I’m trying to make here is that it’s not the doctor’s fault that I was fat or that this woman was fat. It was my fault. I was choosing to not lose weight. I’m working hard to retrain myself. I’m eating healthier and smaller portions, exercising on a much more regular basis and taking vitamins. It’s not easy, but I’m confident I’ll hit 200 pounds sometime in the near future. You can too, if you want some more input on my dieting experiences let me know. I can’t promise it will work for you, but I’m always open to sharing ideas.

I leave you with a quote I heard from someone who was talking about temptation and dieting that has stuck with me while I continue to try and lose weight.

I’d see people eating something I missed, like a doughnut or cheese burger, and remind myself that nothing tastes better than being thin.

1 thought on “Get off your fat ass already

  1. Hey – I second most of these suggestions.

    I lost about 12 pounds in about 3 weeks without hardly trying. The biggest two things I did were:

    1. Switch colas/juices for waters (it’s cheaper too!)

    2. Use the stair/climber/walker machine (the one I bought from you Joe!) 15 minutes per day.

    I didn’t even change my eating habits all that much – still ate Burger King for lunch, still ate ice cream at night, etc. I did find myself getting smaller portions of some things sometimes, but not much. Really just those 2 changes – 15 minutes of excercise and water instead of cola really made a difference.

    I’ve sort of levelled off and think I need to kick things up a notch to lose the last 12 I want to lose, but I know I can do it. 🙂

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