Those of you who know me personally know that my parents moved me to Northern Michigan my senior year of high school. Without getting into specifics I’ll say that it was, without a doubt, the worst year of my life.

Since leaving for college five years ago, I rarely go back. My parents often get upset with me for not visiting more often. I’m now sitting in Nothern Michigan on a 33.6k connection using Windows XP … and they wonder why I don’t like it up here. Jokes aside, I have found myself reliving some things I’d rather forget. In blatantly cheesy Jeff Foxworthy style I’ll form my observations in the form of “You might be from northern Michigan if …”

You might be from Northern Michigan if:

• Your snowmobile goes faster than your car.
• Your trailer has an external roof on pedestals to shield it from the weight of the yearly snow.
• Your proud that your average ACT score jumped from a 16 to a 19 in the last year at the local high school.
• You bought your kids cammos at the local Wal-Mart for Christmas.
• The biggest meanest bar in town is named the Rainbow Bar.

I’m not saying there aren’t rednecks downstate either, I’m just saying they seem to congregate in N. Michigan. In fact, Lauren and I were at the Wal-Mart in Ypsilanti the other day as a father, sporting a Jiffy Lube uniform and a mesh NASCAR hat, proudly bought his toddler son cammos while claiming they were for his “baby sniper.” Yeah, drop out of high school, good idea.